We are going on two weeks now of being sick. I have had a sinus headache for two weeks. I would say this is the life of a teacher but honestly I am really annoyed with it now.
I do not want this to be a space where I vent but I think it is good to get ideas and thoughts written down. With that all said, here is what is happening in my life.
Life is messy; come to find out, life is more gray than black in white. These are things I know in my head but the reality of them still daunt me.
I sat today frozen in my small classroom because I did not know the next best step of action. I want to do my job well but I don't know how. So I do nothing. Which is not the best course of action but it's what I feel like I'm stuck in.
I am now an ESL teacher. For those of you who don't know what ESL is, it stands for English as a Second Language. You may have also heard ELL which means English Language Learner. ELL is technically more politically correct (this is a topic I could write a whole page on but I will leave it at that for now).
This means that I work in the four elements of the English language with my students. We focus on reading, writing, speaking and listening. What that actually looks like each day, I have no idea. I am still learning. This is my first year of teaching. One month in and I feel like a failure. I know I am not but I have fallen flat on my face and want to pick myself up, so I do but then I stand there lost and dazed.
This is the beginning of a journey, one that I want to be half way through at least but I am just starting out and I need to be patient. I love working cross culturally and with students. I do not love feeling like I am floundering and that I am incompetent. I cannot focus on those negative things but remind myself that my value does not come from how good I am at my job. I am loved and can love just the way I am.
These are the things I am learning in this new season.
P.S. I am going to try and post more than once a year. Haha
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